Soup For Sluts & Other Rad Ramen Noodles

The folks over at Blue Q have taken the college student's staple, instant Ramen Noodle Soup, and cleverly repackaged four different flavors with hilarious names. The genuine and yes, authentically edible, instant Asian noodle soups come in the following flavors; Soup For Sluts [spicy vegetable], Wasted & Broke [spicy beef], Hello Lazy [chicken flavored] and Din Din Fuk Chow [shrimp] and cost $2.99 each for each 3oz 85g package. Admittedly a bit more that the .39 cent versions you can find at your local market, but the reaction when someone sees them is worth the $2.60 difference.






Buy them here

All I Want For Christmas Is... Jews

Melissa McQueen impersonates Mariah Carey and sings a hilarious version of "All I Want For Christmas"




Lyrics:
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS... JEWS
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is...
Jews

I wont ask for much this Christmas
I dont even wish for snow
Just want a Jew who runs show business
Speilberg, Stiller Ari Gold
I will make a list and send it
Of my choices for St. Nick
Seinfeld, Zach Braff and Jon Stewart
Are the boys with a big schtick.
Cause I just want them here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
Ill take Zac Efron too
all I want for Christmas is Jews.


Menorah lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the big box office
Makes Jews millionaires
They may have killed our savior
That's not the best behavior
That's ok he rose again three days later
and now I'm an active J-dater


Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
Gentile boys are such a bore
Goldman, Weissman, Cohen, Levy
These are names that I adore
Oh I just want a chosen one
Hebrew boys are so much fun
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is
Jews

Another classic Jewish Christmas video, if you never saw it, is this wonderful SNL short by Robert Smigel sung by Darlene Love;

Crack Up At The Crandall Family Christmas Cards.

above: In 2005, the Crandall family sent out their own version of the childrens' book, Pat The Bunny

Meet a family whose yearly Christmas Cards are way better than yours. Not only are these people better looking than your family, but they are far more clever, too. Before you scoff and think to yourself "Well, you haven't seen our family Christmas cards," I don't have to. Read the post and you'll see that I'm right.

Court Crandall is a talented creative director, screenwriter, author, father and beer league hockey player and someone I worked with too many years ago to put in print.

Each year Court, along with his equal parts stunning and smart wife Denise and their two handsome sons who don soap opera hunk names Chase and Zane, poke fun of themselves in their annual holiday cards. Nothing and no one is sacred as they mock everything from menopause to puberty to the Yankees. What a nice and welcome change from the family Christmas cards that take themselves seriously or worse, pretentiously. The fact that they come from this disgustingly good looking, trim and tanned family makes one like them even more.


above: Court and Denise at their 1992 nuptials

I wouldn't dare attempt to re-word Court's award winning prose, so I will simply reproduce his blog post here for you with the images of their family Christmas cards for the past 17 years so you can enjoy these hilarious annual greetings from the Crandall Family. Perhaps these will inspire you to move away from matching sweaters and frozen smiles in your next family Christmas card.

The text below is taken directly from the blog Holding Court and is written in the first person voice of Court Crandall:

This is probably the longest running campaign I’ve ever been a part of. It started just after my wife, Denise, and I got married in 1992. I had been in California for two years and wanted a way to punk my friends back in Boston. So, for our first Christmas together, we sent out a holiday card that showed us rollerblading our tree home. (Something we actually did by the way, because I was driving a, um, Miata. Trust me, it was super cool back then. Super.)



As we got older, life graciously provided us with a number of props: A new house, two children, a cat, a dog and a fake nanny to name a few. Sometimes these accessories worked. Sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes they needed to use the litter box in the middle of the shoot. Regardless, there have always been plenty of stories that went along with the shooting of the annual Christmas card. Most of which involve one or both boys misbehaving, my wife getting frustrated to the point of tears and all of us riding home in silence. Typically, to some song on the car radio like “We are Family” that accentuated what a disappointment we are as a family unit.

Then there’s the fulfillment process, which Denise runs like a Nike factory in rural Malaysia. Each family member gets a pile of envelopes, a stack of labels and whatever saliva you can muster to seal roughly … nine hundred thousand invitations. You see, due to the card’s increased popularity over the years, numerous people have requested to be added to the mailing list — a list that now includes family members, friends, folks I know but don’t particularly care for, complete strangers and the guy who owns the Indian restaurant down the street.

That said, with time, our sons have come to not only endure but embrace the annual Christmas card tradition. And they’ve learned that, while humiliating, being dressed in togas, having fake pubic hair applied to their face and Hershey’s chocolate coagulating in their ears, are small prices to pay for getting attention from chicks at school a week later.

There are 18 years of cards in all. While I like some more than others, the thing I’m most proud of, is that all four of the people who are featured throughout are healthy, we’re all still together and not a day goes by that we don’t share at least one really good laugh.

2010:


I hope you enjoy the latest submission (shown above). I hope you have a great holiday with the folks you love most. And I hope that with time, the chocolate smell in my wife’s car will dissipate.

Previous Crandall Family Christmas Cards:

2009:

2008:

2007:

2006:

2005:






2004:

2003:

2002:

2001:

2000:

1999:

1998:

1997:

1996:

1995:

1994:

1993:

all images reproduced with permission from the Crandall Family

I look forward to their cards to come and I bet you do now, too.

Merry Christmas!

Edgy Stocking Stuffers For Under $10 Bucks

When it comes to stocking stuffers - gifts that literally will fit in the sock or stocking traditionally hung on the fireplace mantel, or gifts that aren't the 'hero' portion of the holiday gift-giving, most people end up with plastic toys or edibles. Things to be eaten or thrown away.

But here's a bunch of fun items, most under $10, that will not only get a laugh, but use. Warning, these have a wicked sense of humor and may offend some wimps and pussies.

Hilarious hand sanitizers:








Buy them here.

Tea that is steeped in humor:


buy them here

Tin Banks that are so money:



buy these and many more here

Breath Sprays that will put a smile on your lips:


Chewing gum that will crack you up:




buy these and more here.

The above products and images are all from the witty minds at Blue-Q. And no, I don't get a commission.