Chris and Sweet P

Well, it's about fucking time.

With the exception of that first Diana Ross dress he made, Chris has been all about "not quite" in this competition. We kept saying that somewhere deep down he had what it took.

Chris?

Thank you for proving us right. This was gorgeous.

We could see the Sprouse influence he was talking about immediately and it was dead on. The masterful use of the typefaces gave this a pop art look and the simple, clean lines made it chic.

Chris darling, you know fabric and construction the way the rest of us know air. Your only flaw in the competition has been your inability to tone yourself down. We knew you could do it, big guy.

The only reason this wasn't more of a contender for the win - and this is merely an observation, not a criticism - was that this looked too much like "real" fashion. Nina nailed it: this was ready to be walked right off the runway and in to a studio to be shot for Elle. Thing is, the judges were clearly looking for more whimsical pieces. Still. Beautiful work, Sissy Bear. We're proud of you.

Does this photo sum up Sweet P's entire experience on the show to date or what?

Honestly, we like her and her resume pre-show reveals that she must have some sort of talent, but she is clearly NOT cut out for this competition. Every single week and with every single challenge, she appears utterly lost.

And she's always second-guessing herself. This first attempt looked pretty ugly, but at least it looked more interesting than what she sent down the runway.

And Tim?

We love you like a hot older brother, but you CLEARLY have not a clue about the female anatomy.

A maxi-pad? This?

Granted, it's not like WE'RE exactly experts in that arena, but we have just the bare modicum of knowledge to let us know that giant circles with HOLES in the middle would pretty much work in the exact opposite manner that a maxi-pad is supposed to. Just sayin'.

Anyway, the dress.

Lorenzo thinks she should have gone home instead of Elisa. Tom doesn't quite agree.

My god, this whole season has been about us arguing on the couch! Can this marriage be saved?!?!?!

If you're grading on effort, then yes, this was clearly worse than Elisa's because it looked like absolutely no thought was put into it whatsoever. It couldn't have been any more plain-looking. And considering the materials and the dictates of the challenge, "plain" has to be considered a cardinal sin.

Here's another one of those Project Runway truisms that have revealed themselves to us after hundreds of hours of viewing: When you make your model do something stupid at the end of the runway, like give the finger or blow a kiss or shimmy like a stripper, it means you know you're sending shit down the runway. Designers: just don't. We think it's safe to say that jaded old fashionistas like Nina Garcia or Michael Kors aren't going to sit there thinking "She threw candy kisses at the cameraman! ADORABLE! I smell winner!"

There's really nothing else to say about this dress. It was boring, it bordered on ugly and it wasn't particularly well-made. Unfortunately, you can say the same about almost everything Sweet P's done in the competition so far. Sorry, darling. We love ya, but we can smell your impending auf'ing on the wind.

[Photos: Barbara Nitke/bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]


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