Put the crack pipe down, judges!

"Congratulations...Ricky. You're the winner."

"Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo! It's like a roller coaster! I'm...I'm a WINNER! It feels like - like...WINNING!"

"I can't believe that fucker won instead of me."

"I can't believe these old judges gave it to that fucker instead of me."

"I can't believe I'm going home and that fucker just won."

"The Botox has frozen my face in this position."

"God, I love watching these fuckers cry. I could sit here all day."

Seriously?

This clearance-rack-at-Bebe tackorama took the prize last night? The judges all swooned over it and from where we were sitting, there were at least two FAR worthier candidates for the win.

Sure the reworking of the button fly was kind of cute, but that's about the only thing we liked.

For all his bragging about how no one there could fit denim as well as he could, it sure is kinda tight and puckery. Although to be fair, looking closely at it like this, we can see he constructed the hell out of that fabric.

It's just ... ew. It's tacky and too short and sits too low on her boobs and we hate the ruffle on the skirt. Everything about it says "stripper's night off."

So he styled her like Amy Winehouse. Big deal. What did that have to do with anything? Are we really supposed to hold that toothless crackhead up as a style icon now? Darlings, count us OUT on that one.

We were shocked out of our seats when Tim proclaimed it "stunning!" We should have had more faith in him. He addressed this in his Tim's Take:

"I don’t know who was more surprised by his win -- Ricky or me. I cannot tell a lie: I was profoundly concerned about his look. I thought it was too basic and too poorly finished. On the show, you hear me say, “It’s stunning,” and it’s true that I did say it, as in, “Fix all of this and make certain that it’s stunning.” The editors were stuck with a conundrum, because so little of what I said to Ricky (and I said a lot) could be used."

Now, it's possible that Tim's just covering his ass, but we tend to believe him on this because the aesthetic is so far away from what he usually likes.

"Basic." That about covers it. Basic with a side of tacky. Then again, what do we know? According to the Levi's site, this dress has already sold out, proving once again that the goal isn't to reward the best designer this season, but to reward the most retailable designs.

Yeah, we're cranky. Sue us.


[Photo: Barbara Nitke/Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]


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