Kamis, 31 Januari 2008
Pulling on Rami's Zipper
Awwww, how can we rip on this little ragamuffin?
Watch and learn.
We half-love it. Or rather, we love half of it. Okay two-thirds of it.
Even though it does look a little annoying to wear, we do love that collar.
It would probably drive us a little crazy after a while, sure. Then again, we don't have to wear it.
We also really like the tight high-waisted skirt and the rows of buttons adorning it.
Beautifully fitted and executed.
From the hips up, it's a very chic, stylish look. So much so, that it almost doesn't look like denim at all.
It's what happens below the hips that almost ruins it. We probably wouldn't have loved a fully pleated skirt, but it would have been better than this weird jockstrap outline he went with.
That's the thing with Rami; he doesn't know when to edit. It seems like every outfit he makes has every trick in his book thrown at it. We're pretty sure the only reason it isn't a draped toga is because you can't drape denim effectively.
Oh, and speaking of outlines...
Yes, it looked great and it was a fine choice to make. Very appropriate for the challenge. But please, Tim. Enough with the hyperbole. "The fact that it is a zipper, it's fabulous...it has the potential for blowing everybody away!" As we said, a fine choice to make, but he didn't invent the idea of using zippers as seam piping (and neither did Jeffrey for that matter).
We're starting to think that Rami could staple some swatches of muslin together and those bitches would fall all over themselves praising it. Yes, he's one hot fucker and yes, he's a pretty great designer, but praising him to the high heavens for every little thing he does isn't going to make him sleep with you, people. Once again, Nina looked like she needed to be hosed down.
"Come here and give Mommy a big sloppy kiss!"
[Photo: Barbara Nitke/Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]
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Rabu, 30 Januari 2008
We Just Can't Keep Our Fat Mouths Shut
On the off-chance that you're not tired of listening to us, you can head on over to seenon.com for our latest interview. Find out who our favorite designer is, what our favorite look is and who we think is going to Bryant Park! Plus so much more! It's Rungaylicious, kittens!
Case Clothed
iVillage has the new Case Clothed up and Frank and Finn make appearances! It is, of course, fabulous.
As always, you can read it here.
Also, we got in touch with the strip's illustrator (and S3 alum) Robert Best who gave us a little interview.
Well, let's start with a Robert Best update. Has your life changed after Project Runway? You had a pretty solid career before the show - Isaac Mizrahi, Anne Klein and Donna Karan not to mention your years as the Principal Designer at Mattel. What have you been working on lately? Are you getting laid more?
The most significant way my life has changed since Project Runway is that I am recognized by every manner of person in the oddest places. It's not like being mobbed by adoring fans - it's more like ,"Say didn't we meet at Katy's wedding... how do I know you?" it makes a person feel a little paranoid because you reach a point where you just wanna scream" Yes... it's me - I was on the third season of Project Runway...'" the person will stare back at me perplexed and respond with something like "Dude, I was just wondering if I could work in..." or something equally humbling. Then when people seem to look at you too long, you just assume you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe or something. I thought it would all kinda go away now that there is a new cast to follow but I guess it will always be a part of what people associate with me. I pretty much have just been busy with Barbie and back to business as usual at Mattel. I get laid about the same as before. Maybe just a little more interest from some, because more people know who I am.
How are things in Barbie world? Why do you think Barbies are so universally popular, not just with little girls, but grown women and middle-aged gay men?
Barbie remains as awesome as ever. I'm very fortunate in my job. I think Barbie is universally popular because she's escapist in that good way like "Golden Girls", or an old Hollywood musical. Barbie reminds us of our childhoods and for most people those years are happy times. It doesn't seem like something bad is gonna happen when Barbie's around. Plus she has a kick-ass wardrobe and she's gone through more image overhauls than Madonna so you gotta love her.
We still remember when Laura showed us that sketch you did of her back in the day. She absolutely adored it. It's ironic that now you're sketching her once a month. What special features or characteristics about Laura inspired you to draw her that way? We noticed the character even has the infamous Hermes bag.
Laura is easy to draw because she's one of those people who is larger than life. In a way she is cartoon-y because she has this red hair, wears red lipstick and has this very specific style that translates really well into a sketch. In some ways it's almost a good lesson in style, if you distill a person's style into a cartoon or a sketch - does it translate, and if it doesn't maybe they're just boring (and I should know). Like Jackie O was big hair big sunglasses and neat little sixties suits with pillboxes, etc. I've always wanted to do a cartoon type book sketching all the great fashion icons who've inspired me like Catherine Deneuve in" Belle Du Jour", Julie Christie in "Darling", Capucine in "The Pink Panther"... maybe one day. But for now I have a ball sketching Laura in all her fabulosity.
People still talk about that fabulous coat you gave Laura. How was your relationship with her on the show? She's always had nothing but wonderful things to say about you; how talented you are and how beautifully you sketch. Now's your chance to let it all out. She's really a hardcore bitch, right?
The truth about Laura... this is the part where I say she's completely crazy or I really only took the job for the money, but honestly I've always liked Laura and though we shared insults on the show it was all in good fun. I don't think I would have liked her if she hadn't held her own or been as straight talking as she is. I like that Laura calls things as she sees them, and she pulls no punches. I prefer people with strong, sharp personalities and Laura is good that way. I don't have much time or patience for dull or stupid people.
She told us that she had nothing to do with iVillage hiring you for the strip; that you submitted your resume and they loved it. Needless to say, we're not surprised. What made you decide to give it a try?
When Laura contacted me with the iVillage project it just seemed like a really natural fit, because we get along and we have similar taste. It also just seemed like it would be a fun opportunity, and I love to draw so why not! I submitted some samples of my sketches and they were very excited at the idea, so it went forward pretty smoothly.
Do you watch Season 4? If so, what do you think of the designers? Rooting for anyone?
I am watching season 4. I'm pretty bored. Not really rooting for anyone, maybe Sweet P cuz I love her name, and Rami was such an asshole to her and she came out looking like the better person so that was fun, otherwise it is what it is.
[Illustrations: Robert Best/iVillage.com - Photo: Wireimage - Screencap: Project RunGay]
As always, you can read it here.
Also, we got in touch with the strip's illustrator (and S3 alum) Robert Best who gave us a little interview.
Well, let's start with a Robert Best update. Has your life changed after Project Runway? You had a pretty solid career before the show - Isaac Mizrahi, Anne Klein and Donna Karan not to mention your years as the Principal Designer at Mattel. What have you been working on lately? Are you getting laid more?
The most significant way my life has changed since Project Runway is that I am recognized by every manner of person in the oddest places. It's not like being mobbed by adoring fans - it's more like ,"Say didn't we meet at Katy's wedding... how do I know you?" it makes a person feel a little paranoid because you reach a point where you just wanna scream" Yes... it's me - I was on the third season of Project Runway...'" the person will stare back at me perplexed and respond with something like "Dude, I was just wondering if I could work in..." or something equally humbling. Then when people seem to look at you too long, you just assume you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe or something. I thought it would all kinda go away now that there is a new cast to follow but I guess it will always be a part of what people associate with me. I pretty much have just been busy with Barbie and back to business as usual at Mattel. I get laid about the same as before. Maybe just a little more interest from some, because more people know who I am.
How are things in Barbie world? Why do you think Barbies are so universally popular, not just with little girls, but grown women and middle-aged gay men?
Barbie remains as awesome as ever. I'm very fortunate in my job. I think Barbie is universally popular because she's escapist in that good way like "Golden Girls", or an old Hollywood musical. Barbie reminds us of our childhoods and for most people those years are happy times. It doesn't seem like something bad is gonna happen when Barbie's around. Plus she has a kick-ass wardrobe and she's gone through more image overhauls than Madonna so you gotta love her.
We still remember when Laura showed us that sketch you did of her back in the day. She absolutely adored it. It's ironic that now you're sketching her once a month. What special features or characteristics about Laura inspired you to draw her that way? We noticed the character even has the infamous Hermes bag.
Laura is easy to draw because she's one of those people who is larger than life. In a way she is cartoon-y because she has this red hair, wears red lipstick and has this very specific style that translates really well into a sketch. In some ways it's almost a good lesson in style, if you distill a person's style into a cartoon or a sketch - does it translate, and if it doesn't maybe they're just boring (and I should know). Like Jackie O was big hair big sunglasses and neat little sixties suits with pillboxes, etc. I've always wanted to do a cartoon type book sketching all the great fashion icons who've inspired me like Catherine Deneuve in" Belle Du Jour", Julie Christie in "Darling", Capucine in "The Pink Panther"... maybe one day. But for now I have a ball sketching Laura in all her fabulosity.
People still talk about that fabulous coat you gave Laura. How was your relationship with her on the show? She's always had nothing but wonderful things to say about you; how talented you are and how beautifully you sketch. Now's your chance to let it all out. She's really a hardcore bitch, right?
The truth about Laura... this is the part where I say she's completely crazy or I really only took the job for the money, but honestly I've always liked Laura and though we shared insults on the show it was all in good fun. I don't think I would have liked her if she hadn't held her own or been as straight talking as she is. I like that Laura calls things as she sees them, and she pulls no punches. I prefer people with strong, sharp personalities and Laura is good that way. I don't have much time or patience for dull or stupid people.
She told us that she had nothing to do with iVillage hiring you for the strip; that you submitted your resume and they loved it. Needless to say, we're not surprised. What made you decide to give it a try?
When Laura contacted me with the iVillage project it just seemed like a really natural fit, because we get along and we have similar taste. It also just seemed like it would be a fun opportunity, and I love to draw so why not! I submitted some samples of my sketches and they were very excited at the idea, so it went forward pretty smoothly.
Do you watch Season 4? If so, what do you think of the designers? Rooting for anyone?
I am watching season 4. I'm pretty bored. Not really rooting for anyone, maybe Sweet P cuz I love her name, and Rami was such an asshole to her and she came out looking like the better person so that was fun, otherwise it is what it is.
[Illustrations: Robert Best/iVillage.com - Photo: Wireimage - Screencap: Project RunGay]
Selasa, 29 Januari 2008
The Dress Whisperer
Maybe he should have spent less time talking to it and a little time listening to it because we're pretty sure it was saying "Stop! Please!"
Darlings, the more we look at this...
...the more we are simply overcome with ennui. Dull, dull, dull.
Worse than that: dated, which has been a real problem with Chris' work.
This is why we couldn't be judges. We really like Chris and we think he's very talented, so we hate to rake him over the coals - which we are about to do. Give us a sec to get our bitchpants on.
...
Actually, we can't work up the energy to rake him over the coals. We're so bored by this dress that we can't seem to string together the required 500 words to trash it. But for you, we'll try.
It's such a boring '90s Country Music Awards retread. We hate the boob flaps and we hate the thick straps that run all the way down to form pockets.
PLUS, he FRAYED them, kittens. He FRAYED DENIM. That is decidedly UNfabulous. According to him, his idea was to do the LBD in denim. Call us snobs if you want, but the classic LBD should never have frayed ANYTHING.
It's rare that we hate EVERYTHING Chris does, but we really hate everything about this dress. The skirt looks too tight and we don't like the way it slightly flares out at the bottom.
Chris, like Sweet P, seems to be struggling to find his way in the competition. Ever since his auf'ing and subsequent return, he seems to be straddling a line between playing it safe and giving in to his costuming aesthetic. He's got killer execution skills and a flair for the dramatic that rivals any of the other designers. He could make it all the way to the end on those two factors alone. He was just damn lucky that there were uglier garments on the runway this week, because the minute we saw this, we said "Nina's going to HATE that."
Another problem we have is with the accessorizing. Chris' work rarely seems "modern" to us. It doesn't help when he wraps scarves or chokers around the model. This is the third time he's done so this season. Chris darling, you're not working with drag queens here. You don't have to cover their Adam's apple.
See? She looks so much better without the scarf.
[Photo: Barbara Nitke/Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]
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Senin, 28 Januari 2008
And now for more comic stylings from Alex.
And just in case you didn't get the reference:
Also, if you're in the mood for more comic stylings from T Lo, you can head over to our other long-neglected blog for a brand new installment of Musical Mondays.
Princess Puffysleeves at NASCAR
Christian sums up our feelings on the judging this week:
We couldn't agree more, Princess.
This:
Was pretty fucking amazing. Not without its problems, mind you, but amazing nonetheless.
See, we don't know about the rest of you, but we don't watch Project Runway so we can see clothing that you could pick up at any mall in America.
We watch it so we can see designers make crazy, fabulous, beautiful things under extreme conditions.
And for the bitchery.
Let's get one thing out of the way first. Fabulous as this is, we don't feel Christian was robbed of the win for several reasons. First, this doesn't really say "iconic Levi's 501" to us. Second (and we'll grant you that this isn't quite fair), this would have been a bitch to manufacture at a Levi's price point.
One major criticism we have of Christian's designs is that he rarely seems to take into consideration how they would look on an actual woman, size 0 or not. He's so caught up in his frippery and detailing that he doesn't notice things like he might be giving his 90-lb. model what looks like a beer gut.
Having said that, the jacket is gorgeous in its own way - and beautifully constructed. On the other hand, we've seen this look from Christian plenty of times before: the puffy sleeves, the ruffled bib. Come on, girl. Do something else for a change.
We realize that technically this isn't a sewing competition, but damn, is it impressive that he was able to construct something like that in such a short period of time. Flawless execution.
And the jeans are FABULOUS. Yes, yes, skinny jeans are the bane of the modern woman's existence. We get it. They're still fabulous.
Love that he used sleeve cuffs for the legs and we also love the button detail on the back of the calves. It's hard to find something new in the world of jeans, but damn if our little princess didn't find it.
Yeah, it was obvious that Princess thought she should have won it, but she thinks that every week. He's a pretty amazing designer, we have to say. Unfortunately, he's not shown us that he can do anything outside of a very narrow range. Which is fine; plenty of very successful designers have a narrow focus. It's just that in PR, it doesn't get you the big wins.
[Photo: Barbara Nitke/Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Project RunGay]
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Musical Monday: Meet Me in St. Louis
Oh kittens. We really wanted to get to this one back during the holidays, since most people consider this a holiday film. But dammit, we were too stuck in Project Runway Land to get to it in time.
When it came time to pick a film for our triumphant return to Musical Mondays, we knew it had to be a Judy pic. Since we CAN'T STAND the ones she did with Mickey Rooney and we're waiting for a special occasion to spring The Wizard of Oz on you, we found ourselves in the musical section of the video store holding this in one hand and A Star is Born in the other. Frankly, we're not sure we're up to the latter. We need to exercise those muscles a bit before we take on THAT little extravaganza. So, St. Louis it is. Onward!
Yes, it's Meet Me in St. Louis! The story of a dysfunctional turn of the century family, complete with proto-slutty teenage daughters, an occasionally non-existent son, a verbally abusive father, a passive-agressive mother, and the smartass maid that everyone puts up with!
Our story starts here in the summer of 1903 in (where else?) St. Louis as matriarch of the Smith family...um...Mrs. Smith, boils corned beef and cabbage with her deserves-to-be-fired domestic, Katie. That kitchen smells like farts. You know it does.
Meanwhile, second daughter Esther (Judy, of course) returns from her job at the ice cream parlour.
Okay, no. Clearly she was playing tennis. In an old munchkin costume.
Oldest daughter Rose arrives shortly thereafter. She's prissy and judgmental and thinks way too highly of herself. We hate her.
Rose and Esther sit on the front porch and flaunt their fin de siecle titties at the new boy next door...
...John Truitt, who smokes a pipe while he plays a little pocket hockey on the front lawn and ignores them, which of course forces Judy to sing.
Meanwhile, youngest daughter Tootie is riding with the ice man, who we find curiously hot, in a toothless rough trade kind of way.
Let's get this out of the way right now: Lorenzo HATES Margaret O'Brien in this role, finding her to be way too precocious and annoying and deserving of at least one good slap. That may color our commentary slightly.
Since the clearly homosexual boy next door paid them no attention, the older girls decide to change into their underwear and sing loudly. Makes perfect sense.
Mr. Smith comes home and verbally abuses everyone in his line of fire. Mrs. Smith frets and fusses and generally makes excuses for his deplorable behavior, thereby ensuring that her children will make several therapists quite wealthy in the decades to come.
Dinner at the Smith's. Mother has spent most of the afternoon drinking herself numb, Rose cries at the sight of food, and Judy acts out by wearing completely ridiculous attention-getting outfits.
Fortunately, a bright spot appears to distract them all from their misery. Rose's beau from New York calls and the family is all grateful for something to pierce the painful silence.
HELLO! About time we saw a little mancandy, wouldn't you say? Anyway, her beau, Mr. Warren Sheffield, does not come through with the hoped-for marriage proposal that would lift the whole family out of their dreary misery, so the girls decide to throw a party and invite Mr. Pocket Pool from next door.
Now we want garters for all our mirrors.
Judy once again tries to draw attention to herself by wearing something completely embarrassing. Her occasional brother manages to wrangle an introduction to Hairy Palms. She pretends not to be moist.
Back then, this was what "horny girl with oral skills" meant.
Even though Lorenzo hates her, we have to admit, this number is adorable. The entire party scene is basically several musical numbers with dialogue sprinkled throughout. This clip is long, but worth it just for the "Under the Bamboo Tree" number:
Call us softies if you want, but knowing what we know about Judy's life, there's something a little endearing about the way she plays off Margaret O'Brien. You can tell she sees a younger version of herself and there's a protective, almost maternal air about her here.
Anyway, back to bitchery.
With the party over and the guests long gone, Rose prissily reminds Esther that Mr. Truitt needs to leave, lest his penis accidentally find itself wedged somewhere it shouldn't be.
To prevent that from happening, Judy sings to him instead.
Later, the rowdy young folk get together to head on out to the partially built World's Fair ground, which should tell you something about the social opportunities in 1903 St. Louis. After this, they take a tour of the new sewer line and then spend the day staring at paint dry. Fortunately, their grandchildren will someday discover marijuana and aerosol huffing.
Anyway, it's the song that makes the movie as Judy flips her wig in a sea of vagina hats and gives us the classic Trolley Song:
Fabulous.
Fast forward and it's Halloween night. Rose helps Tootie and occasional sister Agnes with their costumes and sends them on their way.
HALLOWEEN IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL AS THE CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED RIOT IN THE STREET!
Was this what Halloween was like in the old days? No wonder people started slipping razor blades into the candy.
Anyway, something happens to Tootie and she winds up bloody and ranting about how Mr. Truitt beat her up. Everyone looks at Judy and silently blames her.
Judy FLIPS THE FUCK OUT and beats the shit out of Ball Juggler. If there was any doubt about his wussiness, getting beat up by JUDY FRIGGING GARLAND pretty much seals the deal.
Later, she finds out that Tootie made the whole thing up and instead got hurt - we're not kidding here - attempting to derail a trolley car. Judy wants to be mad at her, but she's just so darn cute that they laugh off her attempt to murder dozens of people and instead give her ice cream. That kid's a sociopath and her family's nothing but a bunch of enablers.
Judy goes to apologize to Wimpy Balls but he's never been so turned on in his life.
Later, Father comes home and, in a typical display of self-centeredness, announces that the whole family is moving to New York.
They are not thrilled.
Flash forward to winter and some real ickiness. Let me see if we've got this straight: occasional brother Lon was supposed to take this girl Lucille to the Christmas dance but she's going with Rose's obsession, Warren Sheffield. So, since neither of them have dates, he shyly asks his sister to come to the dance and she blushingly accepts like she's turned on. Then they make out It's a big pile of ew. Katie the maid is totally hot for this scene.
Y'know, if we'd had a maid growing up, we probably would have had elaborate mink-wearing snowmen too.
It's the night of the big Christmas dance and the girls enact a visual representation of Judy's entire tenure at MGM. Sprinkle a couple of pill bottles in the background and the tableau would be complete.
John shows up and tells Judy that he can't make it to the dance because he didn't pick up his tuxedo at the tailor's in time and now it's closed.
That is the lamest excuse we ever heard. Just tell her you're gay. Believe us, she won't mind.
Judy reacts like Judy to the news.
Grandpa is so turned on by the sound of her crying that he asks if he can escort her to the dance. Judy is repulsed, but really wants to wear her new dress. She agrees.
At the dance, the sisters maliciously fill out Lucille's dance card with every nerd and loser in the room. Let's get something straight here, bitches. One of you came as your brother's date and the other one came as your grandfathers. Neither of you have any room to be pulling this mean girl bullshit. Everyone's laughing at you behind your backs.
Warren shows up with Lucille and before she can get lost in space, she quickly assesses the situation and trades Warren off to Rose so she can make out with occasional brother.
Through gritted teeth and a fake smile, Rose tells Judy to lose the fucking dance card. NOW.
Judy is stuck dancing with every fat guy and pervert in the whole place...
...when Ball Puller shows up in a tuxedo without any explanation.
Just go with it. You don't need an explanation an hour and 40 minutes into a musical.
Later, he compliments her on her bedazzled babushka and asks her to marry him. Because the family is leaving in a few days, she's confused and unsure how to answer.
So she goes home and fucks with Tootie's head a bit just for kicks.
It works.
Father looks out the window, sees his youngest decapitating snowpeople in a blind rage and realizes if he takes her to New York, she'll wind up in an institution within a year.
He announces that they're staying in St. Louis and ...HUGS!
Flash forward to summer and the whole family is at the world's fair, where vagina hattery reigns supreme and even 5-year-olds are required to wear one.
All's well that ends well. Judy got the boy next door and she got to stay in St. Louis so she can lose her virginity to him. The nuns do not approve of her vulgar hat.
When it came time to pick a film for our triumphant return to Musical Mondays, we knew it had to be a Judy pic. Since we CAN'T STAND the ones she did with Mickey Rooney and we're waiting for a special occasion to spring The Wizard of Oz on you, we found ourselves in the musical section of the video store holding this in one hand and A Star is Born in the other. Frankly, we're not sure we're up to the latter. We need to exercise those muscles a bit before we take on THAT little extravaganza. So, St. Louis it is. Onward!
Yes, it's Meet Me in St. Louis! The story of a dysfunctional turn of the century family, complete with proto-slutty teenage daughters, an occasionally non-existent son, a verbally abusive father, a passive-agressive mother, and the smartass maid that everyone puts up with!
Our story starts here in the summer of 1903 in (where else?) St. Louis as matriarch of the Smith family...um...Mrs. Smith, boils corned beef and cabbage with her deserves-to-be-fired domestic, Katie. That kitchen smells like farts. You know it does.
Meanwhile, second daughter Esther (Judy, of course) returns from her job at the ice cream parlour.
Okay, no. Clearly she was playing tennis. In an old munchkin costume.
Oldest daughter Rose arrives shortly thereafter. She's prissy and judgmental and thinks way too highly of herself. We hate her.
Rose and Esther sit on the front porch and flaunt their fin de siecle titties at the new boy next door...
...John Truitt, who smokes a pipe while he plays a little pocket hockey on the front lawn and ignores them, which of course forces Judy to sing.
Meanwhile, youngest daughter Tootie is riding with the ice man, who we find curiously hot, in a toothless rough trade kind of way.
Let's get this out of the way right now: Lorenzo HATES Margaret O'Brien in this role, finding her to be way too precocious and annoying and deserving of at least one good slap. That may color our commentary slightly.
Since the clearly homosexual boy next door paid them no attention, the older girls decide to change into their underwear and sing loudly. Makes perfect sense.
Mr. Smith comes home and verbally abuses everyone in his line of fire. Mrs. Smith frets and fusses and generally makes excuses for his deplorable behavior, thereby ensuring that her children will make several therapists quite wealthy in the decades to come.
Dinner at the Smith's. Mother has spent most of the afternoon drinking herself numb, Rose cries at the sight of food, and Judy acts out by wearing completely ridiculous attention-getting outfits.
Fortunately, a bright spot appears to distract them all from their misery. Rose's beau from New York calls and the family is all grateful for something to pierce the painful silence.
HELLO! About time we saw a little mancandy, wouldn't you say? Anyway, her beau, Mr. Warren Sheffield, does not come through with the hoped-for marriage proposal that would lift the whole family out of their dreary misery, so the girls decide to throw a party and invite Mr. Pocket Pool from next door.
Now we want garters for all our mirrors.
Judy once again tries to draw attention to herself by wearing something completely embarrassing. Her occasional brother manages to wrangle an introduction to Hairy Palms. She pretends not to be moist.
Back then, this was what "horny girl with oral skills" meant.
Even though Lorenzo hates her, we have to admit, this number is adorable. The entire party scene is basically several musical numbers with dialogue sprinkled throughout. This clip is long, but worth it just for the "Under the Bamboo Tree" number:
Call us softies if you want, but knowing what we know about Judy's life, there's something a little endearing about the way she plays off Margaret O'Brien. You can tell she sees a younger version of herself and there's a protective, almost maternal air about her here.
Anyway, back to bitchery.
With the party over and the guests long gone, Rose prissily reminds Esther that Mr. Truitt needs to leave, lest his penis accidentally find itself wedged somewhere it shouldn't be.
To prevent that from happening, Judy sings to him instead.
Later, the rowdy young folk get together to head on out to the partially built World's Fair ground, which should tell you something about the social opportunities in 1903 St. Louis. After this, they take a tour of the new sewer line and then spend the day staring at paint dry. Fortunately, their grandchildren will someday discover marijuana and aerosol huffing.
Anyway, it's the song that makes the movie as Judy flips her wig in a sea of vagina hats and gives us the classic Trolley Song:
Fabulous.
Fast forward and it's Halloween night. Rose helps Tootie and occasional sister Agnes with their costumes and sends them on their way.
HALLOWEEN IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL AS THE CHILDREN OF THE DAMNED RIOT IN THE STREET!
Was this what Halloween was like in the old days? No wonder people started slipping razor blades into the candy.
Anyway, something happens to Tootie and she winds up bloody and ranting about how Mr. Truitt beat her up. Everyone looks at Judy and silently blames her.
Judy FLIPS THE FUCK OUT and beats the shit out of Ball Juggler. If there was any doubt about his wussiness, getting beat up by JUDY FRIGGING GARLAND pretty much seals the deal.
Later, she finds out that Tootie made the whole thing up and instead got hurt - we're not kidding here - attempting to derail a trolley car. Judy wants to be mad at her, but she's just so darn cute that they laugh off her attempt to murder dozens of people and instead give her ice cream. That kid's a sociopath and her family's nothing but a bunch of enablers.
Judy goes to apologize to Wimpy Balls but he's never been so turned on in his life.
Later, Father comes home and, in a typical display of self-centeredness, announces that the whole family is moving to New York.
They are not thrilled.
Flash forward to winter and some real ickiness. Let me see if we've got this straight: occasional brother Lon was supposed to take this girl Lucille to the Christmas dance but she's going with Rose's obsession, Warren Sheffield. So, since neither of them have dates, he shyly asks his sister to come to the dance and she blushingly accepts like she's turned on. Then they make out It's a big pile of ew. Katie the maid is totally hot for this scene.
Y'know, if we'd had a maid growing up, we probably would have had elaborate mink-wearing snowmen too.
It's the night of the big Christmas dance and the girls enact a visual representation of Judy's entire tenure at MGM. Sprinkle a couple of pill bottles in the background and the tableau would be complete.
John shows up and tells Judy that he can't make it to the dance because he didn't pick up his tuxedo at the tailor's in time and now it's closed.
That is the lamest excuse we ever heard. Just tell her you're gay. Believe us, she won't mind.
Judy reacts like Judy to the news.
Grandpa is so turned on by the sound of her crying that he asks if he can escort her to the dance. Judy is repulsed, but really wants to wear her new dress. She agrees.
At the dance, the sisters maliciously fill out Lucille's dance card with every nerd and loser in the room. Let's get something straight here, bitches. One of you came as your brother's date and the other one came as your grandfathers. Neither of you have any room to be pulling this mean girl bullshit. Everyone's laughing at you behind your backs.
Warren shows up with Lucille and before she can get lost in space, she quickly assesses the situation and trades Warren off to Rose so she can make out with occasional brother.
Through gritted teeth and a fake smile, Rose tells Judy to lose the fucking dance card. NOW.
Judy is stuck dancing with every fat guy and pervert in the whole place...
...when Ball Puller shows up in a tuxedo without any explanation.
Just go with it. You don't need an explanation an hour and 40 minutes into a musical.
Later, he compliments her on her bedazzled babushka and asks her to marry him. Because the family is leaving in a few days, she's confused and unsure how to answer.
So she goes home and fucks with Tootie's head a bit just for kicks.
It works.
Father looks out the window, sees his youngest decapitating snowpeople in a blind rage and realizes if he takes her to New York, she'll wind up in an institution within a year.
He announces that they're staying in St. Louis and ...HUGS!
Flash forward to summer and the whole family is at the world's fair, where vagina hattery reigns supreme and even 5-year-olds are required to wear one.
All's well that ends well. Judy got the boy next door and she got to stay in St. Louis so she can lose her virginity to him. The nuns do not approve of her vulgar hat.
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