Joe, Kelli & Leanne

We're praying for a triple elimination tonight because we're just too exhausted having to rip so many dresses for you bloodthirsty attack poodles.

And Joe, you're going to need to have a crying fit or a fight with the judges or make a vow to destroy one of your competitors because we have trouble remembering you're even there.

Of course, making a memorable dress would help too.

Well, props need to be paid for using the fabric that tripped up two other designers and not torturing it.

It's not an innovative or memorable or even vaguely interesting design, but at least it's fairly well executed. Kinda hate the port hole.

Kelli had immunity this week and made a dress like she knew it.

How else to explain this?

It's like it started off like a good idea - matching skirt and ruffled shrug with a bodice in a contrasting fabric - and then somewhere in the process she was like "Fuck this, I have IMMUNITY! Bring on the assiness!"

It looks like that bit of contrast over her left boob is supposed to be actually covering her left boob instead of timidly creeping towards it. Even if that effect had been perfectly executed we still wouldn't have liked it. It's the very definition of a titscrepancy.

Also, she needs a belt or a sash or something to transition that contrasting blue into the skirt.

And that's just a lot of hoo-haa. Doesn't add anything and the big cutaway in the back looks like it belongs on a different dress. Step it up, Kells. You don't have immunity this week.

Has anyone else noticed the little Judy Bernly blouses that Leanne's been wearing every week? We're actually getting together with some gays to watch 9 to 5 before the show tonight in her honor. There's nothing like a little 1980 secretarial couture to get us in the mood to watch PR.

As for little Judy's dress...

That's a lot of bad.

It seems to us that it could have been a chic little number if Judy had done some editing, but more importantly, it might have worked if she'd had some sort of game plan. As it is, she was all "Maybe I'll make some fabric noodles and stick them all over it."

The basic design concept isn't bad. We like the silhouette and the proportions. We hate the fabric but that's not her fault and besides it doesn't look like she ran it through a mangler like Wesley's.

It's just so...noodley. And the noodles don't have any rhyme or reason. They're just stuck all over it.

And another thing...

Many of you have convinced us that pockets in skirts are cute and fun and even sometimes necessary. We don't 100% agree in all cases, but we're starting to come around to that point of view little by little.

We CANNOT, though, under any circumstances, get behind pockets in a mini-skirt. Sorry noodle poodles, that's just stupid.

And the head noodle is dumb.

Don't forget T LOunge this afternoon, darlings! Wear something that transitions well from day to evening and get there early because you just may win a door prize today.

[Photos: Bravo/Barbara Nitke - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]

Stella & Jennifer

Darlings, before we continue with our witty and insightful critiques, we must take a mo to tell you that, thanks to the good graces of the fine folks at ProjectRunway.com, we are receiving high quality, highly detailed pics of each dress from each episode. As we get them (and when we have the time, you demanding bitches!) we'll be updating each of our posts with these highly detailed shots, starting with Kelli's vacuum cleaner bag dress here. Check back often if you're a stickler for details!

Onward.

Dear Stella,

Darling, had we known our little nickname was going to cause such distress, we would've written it in much larger letters.

We kid, of course. We are saddened to hear that you took our little joke as an accusation that you are some sort of drug user. Why, it couldn't be further from the truth! The fact is, when we call you Cheroin, it's because you remind us of Cher, who is our heroine. Ask any gay. She's a survivor.

Nicknames are a decades-long tradition here at PRGay and all who are bestowed with one eventually come to see it as one of the greatest things to ever happen to them. Just ask Princess Puffysleeves, SissyBear and The Angry Little Peanut. They love being saddled with those names.

Love,

T Lo

P.S. Also:

You look much better when you take a little time to apply your makeup. Just sayin'.

Now.

This.

What can we say about this? We think it's pretty obvious that the only reason the judges gave it such high points was because it was such a dramatic improvement over last week's trashbag couture. This, at least, is a dress. A completed, wearable dress.

It's a dress to go along with a pole and some lucite heels, but it's at least stitched and hemmed and fitted to her body, so for that, Stella gets major increases in her score this week.

Stella wants to work with her beloved "leathuh" and she doesn't care who knows it. She just wants to "burn it up, dye it up, grommet it, pyramid it, stud it, spike it, I want to make my leathuh." We, on the other hand, simply want to shake her and wag our finger in her face and say "What are you doing here? Did you really think you were going to get to put spikes on everything week in and week out? Snap out of it!"

But y'know? Credit must be given.

Why? Because design-wise, she stuck to her guns and didn't do the dress that the fabric cried out for, didn't do the dress that the model asked for, and didn't do the kind of dress the judges normally go for.

She did the kind of dress that adheres most closely to her own aesthetic, given the constraints of the challenge, and she deserves some major props for that. She stuck to her own style and interpreted for the challenge and the client. That's the essence of how this game is won.

Don't get us wrong, we don't love the dress and we are revolted by the lace-ups, but she played the game well and while the judges may have slightly over reacted to it, she earned her way to the next round.

Jennifer took some time off from Narnia or Oz or Middle Earth or wherever the hell she spends her daydreaming time and made a dress this week.

And y'know?

It's not a bad dress.

It's not a perfect dress or even a great dress, but it had a couple things going for it. We really liked the color-blocking and the flowy, drapey quality of it. It moved beautifully and there was an immediate visual impact.

The skirt appeared to be in several pieces, and more of the gray was revealed depending on how she moved. Again, creating a visual impact with some tension to it.

There were some slight problems with the execution and parts of it looked a little sloppy. In addition, as much as we like the color-blocking, some of the proportions were off in those straps and that sash.

Plus, the way-too-prominent zipper.

The eye is drawn directly to her center and there's too much going on there.

As a look, it's definitely got some things to recommend it, but it could have used some editing (we hate those geegaws on her shoulders - totally unnecessary) and some more time in the technical areas.

If we had to sum her up, we'd say Jennifer has something to offer as a designer, but in terms of the competition, she's going to need to seriously step up her execution.

[Photos: Projectrunway.com/Bravo/Barbara Nitke - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]

Daniel & Emily

Daniel, honey. Seriously. Do some deep breathing, talk to your doctor to see if Xanax is right for you, buy some crystals, masturbate - whatever. Just calm down.

Because honey, even your dress looks nervous. It looks fussed over and disheveled and unsure of itself; like she's going to spend the night in the corner adjusting her bra straps and picking imaginary lint off herself.

The proportions are way off on this thing and nothing looks well fitted or well executed.

The bodice is shapeless and unflattering. The placement of the straps/cap sleeves makes her look wider than she is and the waist can't seem to decide where it wants to sit on her.

We do like the skirt, especially from behind.

We get the impression there's a kernel of creativity and skill there with Daniel. But we're not kidding, his high anxiety is gonna kill him in this contest. The likelihood of his impending psychotic break increases with each challenge. He's gonna be a puddle of sweat with a damp tie floating in it if he makes it to Bryant Park.

Emily talks a big game about how her work is "underground," but so far, we don't see it.

Or is "underground" the new slang for "three sizes too small?" Put a bow in her hair and she's a slutty Baby Snooks.

It's not all bad. We really like the braiding in the bodice - and that's saying something because we rarely like braided fabric.

And the back of it's not bad.

It's just the utterly bizarre proportions on this thing. Everything either sits too low or rides too high; the cups make her boobs look small (and low) and the skirt makes her hips look wide and her legs look heavy. Could've been cute, but the execution was a big fail.

[Photos: Projectrunway.com/Bravo/Barbara Nitke - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]

Guys: Hot, Dresses: Not

If Keith were a fashion doll, he'd come with a whole trunk of accessories. There's the nipple jewelry, the earrings, the bandanna (avec rat tail), the baseball hat, and the various glasses. He comes off all butch, but the only things separating him from your average Barbie are the plastic heels.

Gotta say, we hate it. We'll allow for the fact that he didn't choose the fabric and we'll even admit that he has pretty good execution skills, but the design is awful.

Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh. The bodice is fine. It's that skirt.

It looks like the lining to a casket.

Too shiny and puffy and drapey and symmetrical.It's possible it might have worked in a different fabric, but we doubt it. The proportions are just odd.

And then there's Jerell, who's trying to outdo Laura Bennett in the sternum-baring department.

Bleh. Did not like.

Once again we have to allow for the fact that he didn't pick these (hideous) colors, but that didn't mean he had to use all of them. Jerell needs to seriously work on his editing.

And possibly also his technical skills. The fit in that bust was (to coin a phrase) "insane."

Credit to the model, who clearly saw she was wearing a stinker and worked the shit out of it to stay in the game. Atta girl.

Although all the sass in the world couldn't negate the fug of this dress. There's just so much going on and none of it is tasteful or well-executed.

And fringe, darlings. Unless one is Cher or Miss Dolly Parton, one should not be wearing things with fringe.


[Photos: Bravo/Barbara Nitke - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]